


His Last Request

by BeautyButterBae



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternative Events, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Crying, First Kiss, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, I did it again, I'm Sorry, Love Confessions, M/M, Men Crying, Mild Blood, Mutual Pining, Requited Love, Sappy, Sunshine Boy Hide, dark themes, this hurt so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 07:08:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3682713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeautyButterBae/pseuds/BeautyButterBae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hide closed his eyes, kissing the cheek Kaneki placed so close to him. "I love you, Kaneki. Thanks for protecting me all this time. I'm sorry for letting it all go to waste. Remember me once in a while, okay?"</p><p>(Aka what should have happened at Anteiku after Hide collapsed and before the cafe was set on fire.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	His Last Request

**Author's Note:**

> And here I am. Back with more pain. I do realize that the greatest KaneHide hype wave has already passed through the Tokyo Ghoul fandom and all I may be doing now is playing to an empty concert hall, but if that's the way it has to be, so be it. I can only hope the few of you dear fans left out there will enjoy this self-indulgent writing which I had to get off my chest.
> 
> Should I also add that this thing is probably hella sappy? Sap helps me stick my heart together after I break it with my own hands. But hey, there's plenty of people like me here, right?

"Let's go home…" Hide pronounced with a painful exhale.

His hand lost grip on Kaneki's shoulder as he collapsed the next moment, nearly hitting the floor if not for the boy's lap in the way.

A single tear rolled down Kaneki's cheek.

The peaceful snowflakes silently falling outside of the café felt particularly unfitting to their current predicament.

Hesitantly, Kaneki lifted his hand to check his best friend's pulse on his neck. He was still alive. At least for the moment. Tears welled up in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Hide…" Kaneki spoke softly, weary to hold down any sob that could spill from his lips. He didn't want to cry helplessly, the way he has so many times in the past. He wanted to look for any hope, any solution that could save his best friend. Yet as tears filled his eyes, they seemed to fill his mind equally so, reducing him to a grieving mess. He was too certain of how this would end.

"Don't… apologize, silly." A voice rose from his lap, pained and breathy as it was. Hide rolled over on Kaneki's thighs with an unpleasant grunt. He positioned himself in hopes to face his friend if he were to look down. He did.

"What else can I do?" Kaneki lifted the corners of his lips faintly as a tear dripped from his chin onto Hide's cheek. "Isn't all of this my fault?"

"There you go again…" the other boy chuckled, his voice hardly covering his suffering "Listen, Kaneki… You can't keep blaming yourself… I was the one searching for you."

"If I wouldn't have ran away, you wouldn't have to search for me. This wouldn't have happened." He winced, clenching his teeth. He ran away exactly to protect him. It would have worked. It should have worked. But if that was so, why did he have to watch his best friend die in his arms? Was there no right way for him?

"Kaneki, stop. I went out looking for you being perfectly conscious of the potential consequences… If my price for getting to see you again is death… I'll pay it." His voice broke off in a coughing fit. A warm hand cupped his cheek.

"Why… Why would you do that?" Kaneki shut his eyes, fighting the pain swelling in his chest.

"I missed you, Kaneki." Hide spoke softly. The amount of affection he put into pronouncing his name every time despite the excruciating pain in his abdomen was nothing short of amazing. "You'd be surprised… how lonely life gets without you around… I just couldn't sit around hoping one day you'll come back… I was sure I'd hear about your death in the news sooner than I'd actually see you, you know? So I decided to find you, no matter what."

The boy's free hand weakly reached up to his own cheek. He slowly wrapped his fingers around Kaneki's. A few more tears dripped onto his features from above.

"But I'm happy, you know." Hide grinned, eyes half-lidded, wincing lightly at the sting in his side he couldn't quite forget about "I'm so happy I got to see you again, Kaneki… It's pretty silly, but you always made me happy… I was trying to share some of that feeling with you for as long as I could but… well, dying in your arms probably won't give you the best memories, huh?"

Another faint smile crossed Kaneki's lips. Even at the verge of death Hide never lost his sense of humor. He tightened his grip around the boy's fingers, feeling him squeeze his hand lightly a second later.

"It's all so selfish of me, isn't it?" Hide flashed a pained smile. "I'm sorry… For putting you through something like this… You of all people don't deserve this… Adding to your burden for such a silly reason… I'm a terrible friend, am I not?"

The boy chuckled again, this time his voice interrupted by a gasp, as he clenched his fist harder around his wound. He wanted just a little more time. That couldn't have been too much to ask for.

"You're not!" Kaneki almost yelled "You're not… I shouldn't have left you behind just like that. I should have trusted you more. It's only my fault." For wanting to protect his friends, he put them in danger and hurt himself instead. It was all so ridiculously unfair the boy wanted to laugh at the cruel fate he was met with for no apparent reason. Except the only sound willing to leave his body seemed to be the overwhelming sobs which kept biting at his throat.

"You really do blame yourself too much… But at least I won't blame you. I understand why you did all of that… Forgive yourself at least a little. For me, okay?" he paused as his voice became airy "Hey, Kaneki… Would you mind if I said one more selfish thing?"

Kaneki shook his head. His white hair managed to cover his eyes enough to hide the tears streaming down his cheeks. He could tell the end was near. The end he dreaded so much.

"Kaneki… I love you." Hide smiled sweetly and Kaneki's eyes shot open. "I only wish I could have told you in different circumstances."

"Hide…" the boy whispered in shock. That was it. That was his limit. At first, only one hesitant cry left his lips. But that was enough to make way for the rest. The sobs he held back so persistently, spilled from his lips all at once without the consideration of the world around him. The wave of pain in his chest hit him harder than he had imagined.

He bent in half, leaning over Hide, cupping his head in his hands, embracing him. Desperately, Kaneki pressed their foreheads together as if that were to change their hopeless situation.

For a moment only long enough to speak, he forced himself into a state of shaky composure. "I love you too, Hide. I love you so much. I'm sorry for running away for so long. Please… Please don't leave me."

As more tears lodged themselves in his throat and spilled from his eyes, he could hardly add anything else. It was too painful, too frustrating to keep talking anyway. He could only hope Hide got the most important part.

It was no new revelation to him either. Kaneki always had a certain affection for his best friend even if he couldn't quite put a name on it. Realizing what it really was now only smashed his heart to pieces.

"Well, isn't this tragic?" Hide only smirked, a solitary tear slipping down his cheek "The world really is unfair…"

He lifted his powerless hand, slowly, only far enough to stroke Kaneki's cheek. He lightly brushed his tears away.

"Please, don't cry… Kaneki, I'd like to see you smile just one more time. Just once?" he pleaded, his voice breathy.

Kaneki pressed Hide's hand to his own cheek. It was so cold, the thought of what was so close killed him on the inside, eating away at his flesh and mind. His biggest desire was to grieve , to cry, to lose himself in sorrow. But if Hide of all people asked him to smile, who was he to deny him the comfort?

It was a forced grin. A grin of a broken human, who could only stare as the person he loved bled out on the floor of a forsaken café. It was pathetic, if anything. Yet Hide smiled back.

"That's great Kaneki… Smile like that when I'm gone, okay? I want you to be happy ever after I…"

He couldn't quite finish the thought. Not only due to a piercing groan that crept up his body, but rather the fact he still couldn't fully get his head around the idea of dying and leaving the poor boy all to himself, in a world that seemed to desire to make him miserable at each step.

"Kaneki… Can I have just one more request?" he asked hopefully, his voice becoming softer with every word.

"Anything. I'll do anything." Kaneki nodded decisively. In order to ease Hide's misery, he was willing to do everything in his might.

"Kiss me?" he asked, smiling that innocent smile of his. The one which he used to wear so often when they were kids.

Kaneki couldn't help smiling back. He ignored the tears overflowing in his eyes, blurring his vision. That was one request he would be happy to fulfil. He nodded briefly.

The next moment, he was leaning in, seeing an excited sparkle in Hide's eyes. Of course it would be there, Kaneki thought. His best friend always got so happy about such little things, he couldn't have forgotten. And for a second, things were the way they used to be and the close threat of death wasn't hanging around Anteiku, wasn't thickening the air of the room.

There were only two adolescents enjoying their closeness, appreciating their presence.

As Kaneki's lips touched Hide's, a certain wave of relief came over him. The one person that was always there for him was still there and he loved him, loved him more than anyone else. All the problems of the world became miniscule as their lips connected, gentle and chaste, the way their relationship has always been.

The mental state of complete devastation has not yet left Kaneki, not at all. The cold, trembling lips of his beloved only reminded him of the near end, of the pain and suffering. But if there would be one moment, one instant on which he could look back on, considering the time since he joined Aogiri, and say that precisely at that second he was genuinely happy, it would be this one.

Yet this tranquil state of absolute acceptance didn't last long. Obviously, it couldn't have, and both of the boys realized it painfully well. As soon as Kaneki pulled away, new tears welled in his eyes. The pain in his chest returned twofold as strong.

"That was amazing, Kaneki…" Hide grinned in peace, yet his voice was soft as ever, intangible "You deserve a great girlfriend who'd look out for you…"

"I don't want one…" Kaneki winced, incapable of containing the tears in his eyes. The _I only want you_ was implied as his voice seemed to be buried somewhere distant beneath the saltiness of the tears in his throat. Hide understood without words. He smiled once more.

"You know, Kaneki… Human or ghoul. Both or neither… You were always beautiful." He could only whisper, but he made sure to be heard. The pained grimace on Kaneki was only proof of that.

Hide raised his hand to Kaneki's face, ignoring the fact he could hardy lift it at this point. Lightly, like a cool spring breeze, he traced the area around his ghoul eye, wiping away the tears in the process. It turned out to be rather ineffective, as new streams were there soon enough to replace the old ones but Kaneki appreciated the gesture more than anything at the moment.

"For all the things you went through to get here… I really think you're amazing…" Hide's hand dropped to his chest helplessly. He had little time left. "You're strong, Kaneki… Like nobody else… That's why I think you'll be okay, whatever happens… So please, don't cry once I'm gone… Don't grieve, don't blame yourself… I'm sure you've done plenty of that already… Just… Remember the good times we had together, okay? So that one day… When we get to meet again… We won't have any regrets, okay?"

Another wail escaped Kaneki's lips. He couldn't find the correct words. He only coiled around Hide in a dear embrace, pressing his own head to his.

Hide closed his eyes, kissing the cheek Kaneki placed so close to him. "I love you, Kaneki. Thanks for protecting me all this time. I'm sorry for letting it all go to waste. Remember me once in a while, okay?"

Then, he fell silent. Kaneki could barely even hear his breath, despite being so close. He propped himself up. Hide looked so peaceful, his eyes shut. He was so pale and so cold, yet he looked so immensely pleased it was hard to believe he was half-dead.

The pain hit Kaneki again, prompting him to raise his voice "There's no way I could ever forget you!" he nearly screamed "I won't forget, Hide. I won't… I love you."

Hide only smiled. His consciousness was already fading. The blood loss was far too great to be helped by now. In truth, dying was the last thing he wanted to do. But that decision was not for him to make, for the cruel fate has chosen a path for him long ago. The same way it has for Kaneki, leaving him on a path of eternal solitude and hopeless struggle. His life was pain in its entire existence. To say it was extremely frustrating would be a huge understatement.

And there, in that moment, as his only reason for living died in his arms, his tears dripping to his gentle features, a fire of unknown origin enveloping the café, Kaneki realized. There was never any bright future for him. He was never strong. There was only so much burden his shoulders could carry. His limit has been reached, overpassed, until it crushed him, leaving him behind a dry broken husk of a human being.

Fixing the demented world where ghouls and humans were at a never-ending war with one another, ignorant to the other side's reasoning? As if he could ever do that. He was never meant to take up the role of the hero. For eternity, he would remain the "eyepatch", the half-eyed ghoul, despised by both sides of the conflict. There was never anything he could do. Nothing but seeing the world around him crumble as he struggled to keep walking forward to a potentially better tomorrow.

However, there was no longer a tomorrow for him. He would not live to see another day.

A part of him died along with Hide. The part connecting him to the living world. The answer was clear now.

If Hide was dead, Kaneki had no wish to continue living. All of the other people dear to him were bound to be safer in a world without him.

And thus he left the burning building, with the body of the person dearest to him in his arms, and a new conviction. He was to die that same night.

 _I'm sorry, Hide._ He thought as he walked through the frozen air. _I was weak after all. Looks like we'll meet sooner than planned. I'm no savior. Forgive me._

In truth, he was forgiven long before his birth. For love forgives everything. And love written in the stars is particularly strong.

**Author's Note:**

> If you think about it, "his last request" can also refer to Kaneki's 'forgive me'. It's an interesting thought, if you ask me. Either way, the babies got what they desired in the end. And it hurts. It hurts a lot. I hope I managed to move you at least a little with my sappy writing. Oh, and you could probably consider this fic a prequel to my other work "Late Night Tears", but that one might be even darker and more devastating, but also possibly more hopeful and happy ending-ish than this one. Basically if you want more heartbreak, give it a look. Hope your tears won't be as bitter as mine. Big thanks for reading though!


End file.
